Monday, November 21, 2016

I am what I eat or don't eat on purpose

I grew up in Richmond, VA, a southern town but not deep south. As I grew up (1970's suburban white), I never felt southern (or northern, or anything), and people outside of Virginia asked my why I didn't have an accent. I don't (sez I!) but every so often I'll let through a "y'all" or "hunnert" (for 'hundred') and think it is the height of articulate speech to say 'Et-lanna' for Atlanta (I just say 'lanna'). And as to food, I grew up on McD's hamburgers and Taco Bell and HoHo's and DingDong's and bagel and baloney sandwiches and frozen mini pizzas like everybody else in every suburb in the US. Sure, there were a noticeably greater amount of pine trees, below the top two inches of topsoil the dirt was orange, and I got chiggers (once, and only when I came back to visit as an adult).

But I now realize there were a number of things I ate (or decidedly didn't) that say 'Southern':

  • barbeque - I never liked this as a kid but love it as an adult. The only experience of this I had as a kid was a drive up that my mom liked. I got the burger. But now I really appreciate it.
  • cornbread - The kind I had as a kid was dry and dense, almost peppery, coming in small fingers made from a metal indented pan to make them look like corn cobs. What I consider edible cornbread now is almost cake, sweet and thick.
  • greens - collard greens, mustard greens, turnip greens, creamed kale, I loved them all, cooked with with salt pork.
  • fried chicken - my mom was into health and stuff, so she didn't make it with batter or skin. Popeye's is the best ever, but you can't have it too often without having a piece of your heart die. Literally.
  • okra - never had it as a kid and rarely as an adult. Some people hate it and some love it. I don't care.
  • brunswick stew - the best way to burn your tongue. Great from a can or made from scratch.
  • mac and cheese - never had it as a kid (did I mention my mom was into health and stuff). I still don't understand what's so great about it. But this is southern?
  • watermelon - it was around -all- the time as a kid. It was OK, but made a sticky mess, sort of like cotton candy but wet. also seeds are a pain. I'm still ambivalent about it
  • Krispy Kreme donuts - like Kleenex, these are the canonical donuts. But I didn't care for them. Again a little messy. DD donuts are real donuts. Sorry, South.
  • grits - hell yeah. As a kid I had the instant kind where you add boiled water, which if you add the a little grated cheese and hot sauce are great (ooh and a boiled egg).  Waffle House and diner grits have so much extra ... something... that they feel like something else. Not bad but just ... too much.
  • roasted tomato halves - best thing ever at fancy buffet events (after all the others). Fried green tomatoes is just weird like some foreigner thought it would be a good idea for the title of a quirky movie, and then people thought it was an actual thing. It's not a thing. Roasted (red) tomato halves are a thing, a real thing that is actually good.
  • sweet tea - ugh...who would put that much sugar in their tea? I mean, unsugared is a little too ascetic but sweet tea? ugh.
  • crab cakes ... ugh.
  • pecan pie - that's southern? I thought it was just pie. Anyway, banana pudding kicks its ass. Not that pecan pie is bad. Just if you had to choose.
  • fried pickles - ? hunh? That's a thing? And a Southern thing? I've never heard of that. Ever. Why try to gild the lily?
  • hush puppies - mmm. Only ever had them on vacation, Virginia Beach or Nagshead at a seafood restaurant
  • sweet potatoes and yams  (there's a difference?) - ugh. These things look funny! And taste funny! No way! Potato or sweet potato? Take the potato.
  • tofu - a versatile basis for any... haha, just kidding. That stuff is so bland, you add it to dishes to take away taste. Also, not Southern.
  • pig maw - eww. pass.
  • black-eyed peas, lima beans, just beans - I avoided these every New Year's. Ugh. It's not that they taste bad, it's just that they don't taste good.
  • biscuits - these are southern? They're not universal? I have nothing against them, they're OK (when not greasy)
  • chitlins - that's just a funny word that people use on old west shows. Nobody actually eats that stuff. 
  • smithfield ham - as a kid, tasted funny, why would you ruin a biscuit sandwich with weird meat. Now I appreciate it a lot.
  • apple butter - if this is at all a southern thing, it's great. It's great anyway.
  • deviled eggs - also, this is southern? They're great, but don't have too many, especially if they've been lying in the sun
Some of these items were off the top of my head. Some I was reminded of by the wiki list. Those on the list that are not here I just don't recognize, didn't think of as southern, or just don't care about. Also, I find it funny to go to a 'soul food' restaurant and wonder what's going on because it's just food.

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